Funeral Etiquette

When a friend or acquaintance dies, your first reaction may be to help.  But you may not be sure of what to say or do.  It is natural to feel this way.  This information is designed to give you a few suggestions and also provide helpful advice on how you can be of comfort to the bereaved.

While you may feel hesitant about intruding on the family during their grief, it is important to visit them.  It lets the family know that while their loved one is gone, they are not alone.

When should I Visit?

Upon learning of a death, intimate friends of the family should visit the home to offer sympathy and help.  Sometimes it is easier to visit the family at the funeral home where the setting may be more comfortable because they are prepared for visitors.

What is Visitation?

Visitation provides a time and place for friends to offer their expressions of support and sympathy. When you arrive, go to the family, and express your sympathy with an embrace or offering your hand.  Don’t feel as though you must avoid talking about the person who has died.  Talking can help the grieving process begin.  If you were an acquaintance of the deceased but not well known to the family, immediately introduce yourself.  Do not feel uncomfortable if you or the family become emotional or begin to cry.  Allowing the family to grieve is a natural healing process.  However, if you find yourself becoming extremely upset, it would be kinder to excuse yourself so as not to increase the strain on the family.

Viewing the deceased is not mandatory.   However, if you are moved to the casket by the family, it is customary to show your respect by viewing the deceased, and, if you desire, spending a few moments in silent prayer.

It is very important to remember to sign your name in the register book.  If you were a business associate of the deceased, it is appropriate to note your company affiliation or the family may not otherwise know you.

Your simple presence will mean a lot to the family.  You do not need to stay for the entire visitation, but try not to leave during any prayers that might be offered.

How Long Should I Stay at Visitation?

It is only necessary to stay long enough to express your sympathy and offer support.

What should I Say?

Using your own words, express your sympathy.  A kind word about the person who has died is always appropriate.  If the family wants to talk, they usually just need to express their feelings; they aren’t necessarily looking for a response from you.  The kindest response is usually a warm hug and a sympathetic ear.